Until My Dying Day
by Kentra02
Summary: Will Duo and Wufei realize the feelings they have for each other before its too late? Suicide attempts, angst, COMPLETE
1. Break

Until My Dying Day  
Part One: Break  
  
"Maxwell!"  
  
Wufei jumped from his seat on the living room couch, revealing the irritation that had been growing heavier all day. Duo had just danced through the room with his headphones so loud that they could be heard throughout the entire house while he was carrying a mug of hot coffee. The coffee was now spilled all over the book Wufei had been reading.  
  
"Sorry, 'Fei," Duo said with an apologetic smile, "I'll help you clean up, if you'd like."  
  
Duo wasn't pretending, he was sorry. He knew Wufei was already pissed off at him and he didn't intentionally make things worse. Wufei roughly grabbed Duo's hand before his book could be mishandled.  
  
"Don't touch it Maxwell," he said in a aggravated tone, "I don't want you causing damage to anything else today." Wufei turned away with a last dark glare featured on his face and walked through the kitchen door, letting it swing behind him from the rough push he had given it.   
  
//Why does he have to have such an attitude?// Duo thought, eyeing the door which Wufei had disappeared through, //I didn't mean to ruin his damn book, anyways. Accidents happen..//  
  
Duo pressed the 'stop' button on his CD player, so that the headphones, which were now hanging loosely about his neck, fell abruptly silent. He curved his hand around the abandoned coffee mug in an effort to finish cleaning up the mess he made, but something bubbled beneath the surface of his skin that he could not control. With a sudden burst, he threw the cup against the wall and turned away, not able to watch as the pieces shattered across the floor. Everything in his life was broken; he couldn't bear to see the pieces with his own eyes. Without a glance backwards, he walked up the stairs to his bedroom and slammed the door.  
  
+  
  
Wufei stood at the sink in the kitchen, mopping off the book with the quiet strength that he possessed in the air around him. He had more than one reason to be irritated with Duo right now, and though he tried, he couldn't cease his frustration. The small safehouse seemed to grow even smaller now that Duo had only one person to focus his energy on. Heero and Quatre were both away on their own respective missions and Trowa had walked out the door again. All he said was that he would return, which he had said often and always fulfilled his word. Though the other pilots had only recently left, Wufei's nerves were already thinning. He released a frustrated sigh. He knew that Duo didn't _mean_ to irritate him so much, but why couldn't he be more careful? Already today, he had broken a breakfast plate, left the bathroom sink running for what seemed like hours, and his blasted music had given Wufei a splitting migraine. Now even his irreplaceable book was stained by Duo's carelessness.  
  
But Wufei wouldn't restrain his pity for him. Though the boy was loud and boisterous, he possessed an amazing strength, both mentally and physically, though it did take a bit of digging to find. He knew nothing of the horrors that played through Duo's mind like a never-ending song, but he had heard him cry, all alone in his room with nobody to comfort him. Duo had thought it safe to remove his mask for a few timeless moments when he wouldn't have to pretend anymore, to let feelings come naturally instead of hiding them away for safety. Wufei could never forgive himself for invading such a personal time of Duo's, for letting his personal feelings be known to anybody else, and he knew that Duo wouldn't forgive him either.  
  
+  
  
Duo had been on the brink of a breakdown for the past week. Usually, he could keep himself under enough control to stay in check, but now he was doing all he could to hold on, to keep his fingers from slipping out of the uncertain grasp he called life. He and the Chinese pilot had been confined for only two days, and already Wufei's eager accusations had begun to strangle his heart. Normally, Duo would shake off an insult from anybody without a second thought. Except Wufei. Wufei was different. Duo admired him in so many ways, and tried so hard to gain his affections.... or at least attention, but he could never seem to penetrate Wufei's calm and steady surface. The only time Wufei paid attention to him was when he messed up.  
  
//There's nothing I can do to make him like me... It would be better if I weren't here at all. Maybe _then_ I could make Wufei happy. Just once, I'd like to see him smile.//  
  
Duo's heart took control of him, abandoning thought or reason and ignoring the logic of his protesting mind, as he began to lose himself to the uncontrollable shudders that seized his body. He felt himself drift into a euphoric unreal, into a place locked far into the crevices of his mind where things were neither real nor pretend, a place not unknown to the American boy. Having no control over his feelings or actions.... this was what scared him most. This is why he never allowed anybody to get close to him, why he never wanted to remember, why he never wanted to care. He couldn't control himself, how would he ever be able to control any sort of relationship with somebody else?  
  
Lacking his mental acknowledgement or permission, tears began streaking down his cheeks. Still shaking, he jammed his hand into his back pocket and pulled out his knife, engraved with a small scythe that he always carried on him. Flicking the blade in a swift, skilled motion, he pressed the tip of the blade into his middle finger. He pressed harder as he went, pressing the knife, sharpened to perfection, to the bottom of his palm, stopping at the base of his hand. He wouldn't die just yet. He wanted to see the blood now, wanted to imagine what it would be like when that time finally came. Would Wufei finally smile? As he watched the scarlet streak steal away down his pale and shaky wrist, he whispered to the empty air,  
  
"For you, Wufei. Maybe you'll be happy if I finally leave you alone."  
  
Able to hold onto the light for only a few more painful moments, Duo let the darkness wash over him as he slipped into a world of all black. 


	2. Shatter

Wufei was poised at the kitchen stove, creating a delectable dinner feast for the two boys in the safehouse. Tension concentrated itself upon his features because of other, however. His anger had subsided, but worry had trickled in to replace it. He hadn't made and appearance all afternoon, not even a sound of his music had been heard.  
  
//It is none of my concern,// Wufei pleaded with himself, //As long as he is out of my way, why should I care what he does with his time?//   
  
Why, really, should he care? Why was he feeling these inexplainable emotions towards the boy? His thoughts wouldn't pause to linger elsewhere. Worry streamed through his mind like a slight, silver, spring soaking all of his thoughts with Duo. The boy was perfect, why did he hate himself so much? What was he trying to prove?  
  
//I wish I could contain my anger for him, yet I should not feel so strongly about him...//  
  
Duo's face flashed into his active mind, pushing a trace of a smile onto his lips. He sighed amidst his confusion, tired of searching for unexposed answers. He suddenly jumped, realizing his hand and come to rest on the overheated stove.  
  
+  
  
"Shit! Duo sat up quickly, regaining consciousness, and his head came in hard contact with the bed corner, hard enough to nearly make him black out again. When he had lost consciousness in the first place, he had dragged the crisp, white, fresh-smelling sheets down with him, and now the sheets were bloodstained where his pale fist was clenched. Slowly, he opened his hand and gazed upon his palm.   
  
//An insignificant amount of damage// he told himself, though he had sliced his flesh deeper then he had meant to. His hand, covered in dry blood, hurt like hell, but not as bad as most of the other cuttings he had done.  
  
//Good. Enough to keep me in agony. I deserve to suffer.//  
  
He scowled at his reflection in the mirror, staring into his own cold eyes, as cold as death. They seemed to pierce him, they seemed so foreign, though they belonged to him the entire time. His eyes held firm on the penetrating mirrored eyes, the eyes that seemed to mock him, those eyes wanted to send him to Hell, here and now. Those eyes saw what Wufei saw; his carelessness, his uselessness. Duo couldn't bear to see those eyes staring at him another moment. Bringing his fist forward with a sound like a whip, he slammed his hand into his reflected face, and a crack split to the base and part of the mirror shattered. Now the mirror reflected what he was on the inside; broken.  
  
A quiet knock on the door. Wufei. It must be Wufei; he was the only other one in the house. Hurriedly, Duo tried to cover up his bloody palm, ignoring the sheets and the shards of the broken mirror, he opened the door. Wufei's perceptive eyes absorbed a lot from the scene before him. Blood staining the sheets and the mirror shattered, he looked down at Duo's now covered hands, then to his face, pretending to not see the mess before him.  
  
"I've cooked dinner, would you like to eat with me?"  
  
"Sure," Duo voiced with a false energy. His mask was secured to its rightful place. He toppled out of the room with a light bounce under his feet, ignoring the fact that he knew Wufei had seen. He knew that the boy had a quick mind, but he wasn't going to shine a light through the darkness, just to help Wufei into his pile of personal problems. Wufei lingered in Duo's doorway, minutes after the other had plodded down the steps, surveying the madness, trying to piece it all together, which was about as easy as piecing together the broken mirror. 


	3. Burn

Until My Dying Day  
Part Three: Burn  
  
Duo was silent through the meal, ignoring Wufei's interrogative glances, though he wore his normal smile. He managed to hide his marred left hand safely under the table cloth, not giving Wufei an opening for questions, though he would doubtfully care for the answers anyways. The fresh cut burned pain through his hand, that was the pain he longed for, the searing tears aching every inch of his skin. Duo's plate was less than a quarter emptied when he carried it to the sink. Wufei noticed that Duo hadn't been eating much lately, skipping meals, making excuses. There was obviously a connection between Duo's sudden loss of appetite and his actions that Wufei had witnessed previously in the day.  
  
Wufei studied Duo's profile as he watched him pour his uneaten meal into the garbage disposal. Tension played on Duo's slender figure, bruising all of his features with an edge that he shouldn't be made to carry.   
  
//Gods, I can't just let him go on like this.//  
  
So Wufei challenged a question.   
  
"Not hungry, Duo?"  
  
Duo's head snapped around sending his braid whipping over his shoulder, forgetting to restore his mask, and in that moment their eyes joined, Wufei's drowning in Duo's oceans of pain and sorrow. He could clearly see Duo's pain, all of his fear hovering as apparitions before his eyes. But the moment was snatched away as quickly as it had been captured; for Duo had managed to shove his face back into the smile he wore, pretending that Wufei had just imagined it. And maybe he had.  
  
"Nope, haven't been real hungry lately," Duo quipped, the usual pep present in his voice.  
  
//And I won't be hungry anytime soon.// Duo thought darkly, even as the smile still crept through the crevices of his lips. Hunger was something real, something he needed to feel, something that would slowly kill him. Probably too slowly. He had been hungry most of his life, hunger wouldn't defeat him now, but it would contribute to his weakness. And that weakness would encourage death to steal him away quicker.  
  
"I'm going to take a shower, 'Fei," he said, neglecting his plate in the sink, "If I'm in there for a while, call and ambulance, 'cause I might have drowned!" He plastered his big 'I'm Joking!' grin on his lips, yet couldn't help thinking to himself that hopefully he would be so lucky.  
  
//But hey, think on the bright side, Wufei's probably thinking the same thing...//  
  
However, Wufei was thinking the complete opposite, but he chose to ignore Duo's last comment.  
  
"Okay, just don't use all the hot water again," he commented, wishing he could swallow the words even as they were spoken.  
  
"Don't worry, 'Fei, I won't waste your damn water," Duo muttered as he plodded down the hall away from Wufei. He stopped in his room and snatched up a pair of black sweatpants and a red t-shirt from an overturned chair in the corner. He had almost forgotten the mess that he would have to clean up, the broken mirror, the twisted bed sheets, and the other objects of chaos that had been scattered throughout the room. He shrugged off the images of his bedroom as he headed through the upstairs hallway to the bathroom that only he used. He didn't know why it remained unused, maybe because it was out of the way of all the other rooms, but out of the three bathrooms in the house, this one just sort of "belonged" to Duo. And Duo liked it that way.  
  
He threw his extra clothes to the floor in front of the heater that projected from the wall and slowly stripped himself of his shirt. He looked down at his chest and ran his fingertips over the various white and pink lines that scathed his otherwise smooth skin. He followed them with his fingers up to his shoulders, down his upper arm, to his elbows. He removed his pants and boxers and stared at his own nude form in the mirror. The scars flawed most of his skin, down to his toes. He turned sideways and laid a flat hand over his abdomen. He was visibly thinning, not that he had weighed much to begin with. His fingers pinched at the slight amount of skin that they could, less then an inch of skin was stretched across his midriff. Duo was disgusted that he could still grasp that much. He contemplated vomiting in the toilet right then, but wasn't really up to it. Didn't really have the strength. Oh well, maybe later. He kicked his discarded clothing into a corner and then pulled a soft, midnight blue towel out of the cabinet. He spread it over the floor before climbing into the shower and sliding the glass door closed behind him.  
  
He relaxed as the hot water cascaded over his shoulders and back, falling in streams over his shoulders and down his front. He tugged the black rubber band from the tail of his braid and slid it around his wrist as his long hair soaked and plastered itself to his body. He ran his fingers through the chestnut locks, attempting to prevent them from becoming too tangled. He gathered his hair over his shoulder, presenting his back to the heat of the water. Remembering Wufei's words not to waste his precious hot water, Duo's mind began turning. His hand grasped the water dial and twisted it left towards the red arrows. The water temperature increased almost instantly, searing his skin. He turned the handle more, vaguely wondering if it was possible to burn to death. His head began to spin as he answered himself yes, as the water was nearly boiling; he was drowning in the dizziness that the quickly accumulating steam had created. Daring to turn the facet warmer, Duo's hand plunged the dial as far left as it would go, the beating water pounded down hard on Duo's back, becoming so hot that it began to leave crimson welts on his pale flesh. Duo collapsed, supporting himself on all fours, his crying mind fighting his urge to cry out physically. Trembling, he reached out a hand to turn off the water. He drug himself from the steam filled tub, and sprawled out upon the towel that was waiting for him 


	4. Clutch

Until My Dying Day  
Part Four: Clutch  
  
Duo remained sprawled on the bathroom floor for quite a while, engulfed by the deep blue of the cushioning bath towel, his wet and tangled hair coursing over the front of his chest and onto the moist floor. It was going to be hell to comb out later, he knew, but he just couldn't obtain the energy necessary to prevent the task.  
  
Duo's arms reached reached to grasp the counter top and, emitting a strained groan, he pulled himself to a stand. Gathering himself to his feet so quickly in a room filled with steam caused his head to spin. He gripped the counter top tighter and glanced at the wall clock, letting his eyes linger there long enough that the double vision of the lightheadedness wore off to let him focus on the numbers.   
  
//Late enough to take my pills, I guess.//  
  
He opened the cupboard with all of his medications inside and retracted his hand with several pill bottles. He stared at the labels on them. His sleeping pills, Ambien, helped him sleep through most of the night, yet couldn't release his mind from the nightmares. Zoloft, his "happy-pills" didn't really work so well anymore, yet he still took them, along with some other nameless anti-depressant he had gotten illegally. He counted out those and the rest of his pill collection in his palm, and then in a single swallow, he consumed them all without even a drink of water. The only reason he actually bothered with the varied medicines was the possibility that his body would tire of it all and he would one day overdose.  
  
//No such luck yet.//  
  
+  
  
Setting down his book, Wufei's eyes were drawn to the clock on the television stand. It had been nearly two hours since Duo had disappeared into the bathroom to take his shower. Though Wufei's mind conjured many thoughts of what could be restraining the boy so long, he rejected them in forced disbelief.  
  
Curiosity brought him to the doorway of Duo's bedroom. Perhaps shifting through the chaos would lend him more comprehension of the situation. He stepped into the room and his eyes darted from object to object, to the corners, to the window. It felt so wrong to be in here, it felt so... intrusive. His bare foot slid over a shard of the broken mirror. He picked it up, clasping it in his fingers as if it were perfectly fashioned to his palm. He observed the torn bed sheets, and with a closer look, discovered the blood. Suddenly he noticed something that had gone overlooked, as it had been barely protruding from beneath the bed. It was obviously Duo's, Wufei noted, picking up the scythe engraved knife. It was coated in a film of red, but Wufei ran a finger over the little scythe. A bit of dried blood crumbled from the object. Duo's blood. Strange to think about, to Wufei. Yet Duo saw his own blood, always, even without cutting. It followed him in his mind as a taunt, begging him to spill his blood, even when he was resisting. Blood wasn't something new to Wufei, but blood of somebody close to him, blood shed on purpose, was not something he often contemplated.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?!"  
  
Wufei jumped, Duo's knife contributing a small slice to his own finger. Wufei turned around to face the boy who had just entered the room.  
  
"What are you doing, Wufei?" he repeated  
  
"I...well..." his voice broke. It wasn't usual for Wufei's quick mind to draw blank. He stared at Duo. His long hair was free, unbound by its usual braid, but it clung tight to the back of his shirt and shoulders with dampness. His facial expression, however, wasn't of the rage of his voice, but of the fear in his heart.  
  
"Why did you come in here?" He almost whimpered, his voice now echoing the expression on his face.  
  
"Let me see," Wufei commanded gently, gesturing towards Duo's hand.   
  
Duo jerked his hand behind his back.  
  
"You don't need to see anything," he remarked with a jolt as if Wufei would attack him, and he backed up against the wall, "Besides, it looked like you've done enough 'seeing' for one night."  
  
His visible fear was increasing, which was to say nothing of his internal fear. His eyes were hollow like a frightened colt, and he made as if he would fly to the room, though he was sinking to the floor while clutching to the wall.  
  
"Duo, you obviously need somebody to care for you."  
  
//Did I just say that? I cannot go around playing guardian!//  
  
"I don't need anybody!" Duo yelled, grasping the doorjamb, using it to support himself as his legs gave way, "Give me back my knife!"  
  
"Why? So you can hurt yourself even more?" Wufei snapped, "If you think that I will sit back and watch you die, you are very much mistaken! I need.... we need you, Duo! I am not going to allow you to hurt yourself like this if I can prevent it!"  
  
"You know that you would be happier if I was gone," Duo whispered. Then Wufei noticed something else about the shuddering figure on the floor, Duo had two tears trailing down his cheeks.  
  
"Duo..." Wufei moved nearer to the boy, in hopes of comforting him, yet the action caused Duo to visibly flinch with some type of unseen pain.  
  
"Get out!" he suddenly burst, "Go away!"  
  
"Fine, but this is coming with me," Wufei said, pocketing the bloody knife. 


	5. Blood

Until My Dying Day  
Part Five: Blood  
  
Wufei carefully poured the remainder of the bottle of orange juice into two clear glasses, hoping that after the previous night, he would successfully get Duo to eat an entire meal. Two plates were laid neatly on the table filled to the edges with sausage, eggs, bacon, and toast and next to each plate sat an upright glass of both milk and juice. There was a thick bar of sunlight spilling through the window and across the table, washing everything with a surreal brightness.  
  
//Perfect. All I need now is to wake up Duo.//  
  
Wufei gracefully slid up the stairway, wondering if Duo would appreciate being woken so "early". He usually remained in bed until much later, and after the events of last night, he most likely had not slept.... But food would make him feel better. Wufei quietly rapped on the bedroom door, not wanting to intrude if Duo had already awaken. There was no answer. He knocked again and softly called the boy's name, hoping in vain to receive a response. Finally he decided to open the door, and if it offended Duo, then he should have answered.... but the locked handle would not turn.  
  
//Well, I'm not Duo, but I can well enough pick a lock...//  
  
Absentmindedly, he reached into his pocket, searching for a way to pick the lock. Suddenly, his fingers found the cool black handle of the metallic knife. He flicked open the bloodstained blade and pushed it into the tiny keyhole, rummaging around inside the unseen interior. After about ten minutes of failed attempts, a click was heard from the inside of the lock. Wufei forcefully pushed on the door and it flew open, slamming into the opened closet door behind it. Wufei slammed his eyes shut at the image before him.  
  
//Oh my god....//  
  
+  
  
Duo's eyelids flickered open, not to meet the familiar greys and blues of the room he expected to wake up to, but to brightly yellow painted walls and the steady beep of a heart monitor. An orange carnation lay on the windowsill with a surreal glow as the black night framed its delicate petals. His eyes traveled to his heavily bandaged wrists and the reddened gauze protruding from his wounds. An IV pierced his inner elbow and his long braid was pinned to the back of his head, revealing a thin bandage over the slice on the side of his neck.  
  
//Why the hell am I still alive?!//  
  
"I see you're finally awake," a voice to his right stated. Duo jumped; he hadn't noticed Wufei leaning against the corner of the wall. How long had he been standing there anyways?  
  
"It's a good thing I brought you here in time," he replied steadily to Duo's silence.  
  
"_You_ brought me here?" Duo nearly croaked, "Why?"  
  
"Of course I brought you here. Nobody else was in the safehouse. And why? Because you were nearly dead! Do you know what it was like to find you like that, and the blood--"  
  
"How'd you get in my room?" Duo interrupted. Wufei raised an eyebrow.  
  
"You're not the only one who can pick a lock. I'm a pilot too, you know."  
  
Wufei had never seen Duo look so... _defeated_, like everything had become so incredibly hopeless. Duo had always been the one to control the optimism; he always provided a smile to deliver to a grim face. To see his attitude so diminished at the fact that he was _alive_ was unbearable. His blue eyes were shallow and blank, preventing Wufei from reading his deep emotions.  
  
"Why did you do this?" Wufei nearly choked down his words with the uncertainty of wanting the answer. Duo just looked at him with his blank expressionless eyes. The silence stretched on and Wufei did not dare ask again. Minutes later, Duo finally spoke.  
  
"It wasn't to escape the war, if that's what you're thinking. No, Chang Wufei, not even I am that weak." Wufei straightened at the seriousness of his voice and the use of his full name. "It wasn't even to escape my past. I've lost everybody I care for, but escaping will not change that. I don't believe in the same 'heaven' they went to." Duo's eyes caught the lingering expression of surprise on Wufei's face.  
  
"What, Wufei? Do you really think that I'm the joker I pretend to be?"   
  
"For your information, Duo, I think I know what you are truly like. Do you think I've never heard you cry? Never seen you're scars? Do you really believe that I have not noticed the amount of weight that you have lost? I'm not blind, Duo!"  
  
"You think you know who I am? If you know me so well, what is the reasoning behind most of my mental issues that you thoroughly enjoyed rattling off just now? D'ya want to supply me with those answers too? Because I sure as hell can't."  
  
A young nurse appeared n the doorway, balancing a light green tray in one hand, and a patient chart in the other.   
  
"Good evening, Mr. Maxwell, I'm glad you've finally waken up. Here is your dinner," The thin blonde said as she wrote something down on the chart, "and I brought this for you, Mr. Chang, I thought some hot chocolate might do you a bit of good since you've been in here all day." She flashed a wide white smile as she set a steaming mug next to Wufei on the nightstand. She hung the chart on the door and shuffled back out into the hallway.  
  
"I'm not eating this shit," Duo growled, staring with distaste at the mashed potatoes and vegetables on the tray.  
  
"Duo, you haven't eaten for over 24 hours, you need to eat something," Wufei said, his tone pleading.  
  
"I don't want it!"  
  
Duo picked up the filled tray and, avoiding tearing the IV from his arm, hurled the tray against the wall with all of his remaining strength. 


	6. Lies

Until My Dying Day  
Part Six: Lies  
  
Duo sat on the long blue couch, a childish fear playing upon his features making him look more like the teenager he was than the adult that occupied his body. His legs were drawn up beneath his folded arms; his newly bandaged wounds soaked in much less blood then the original ones. There were long, wall length windows stretching numerously over the walls, probably in an attempt to make the room more cheerful. Wasn't that the point of a shrink's office? To cheer up the people who had 'problems'?  
  
//I sure hope they know that there's no way to make me 'normal' or 'happy'. They're wasting their time. They aren't going to be able to cheer me up.//  
  
There were all sorts of colorful objects to toy around with in the office, things for people of all ages. Duo was thinking that a few of the objects might actually interest him, were he not in his current situation, when the doctor entered the room. He was a tall man with sandy-blonde colored wavy hair and dark brown eyes. He wore the same poorly constructed friendly smile that most doctors did on the first encounter with a patient.  
  
"Hello, I'm Dr. Sheno. Please to meet you Duo!" he held out a hand that Duo did not shake, he only curled himself tighter into his ball, his only shell of protection. The doctor gestured towards his loosely braided hair, "  
  
"That's an interesting hair style you've got there. Why's it so long? Do you keep it to symbolize something to you?"  
  
Duo rolled his eyes. There was no reason to treat him like a child. Besides, hasn't he ever seen a guy with long hair?  
  
"Of course it means something, I've had this hair my whole life. It's my story."  
  
Dr. Sheno raised an eyebrow, "Really, You've never had it cut?"  
  
"I never wanted it cut, "he remarked with a shrug.  
  
"Do your parents like it that way?" the doctor asked, jotting a few notes on a piece of paper.  
  
"I don't have any parents. My hair has always been long, even since I was a kid on the streets of L2."  
  
"How did you get from L2 to Earth if you're an orphan?"  
  
//Shit. Just fuckin' great. There's no way in hell I'm going to tell this guy that I'm a Gundam pilot.//  
  
"Umm...," Duo stalled, "I was brought here with some of the other war orphans to be put in foster care when I was 11."  
  
"Interesting," the doctor mused, "so how did you end up living with the boy who brought you in? He looks about the same age as you, am I correct?"  
  
"Yeah, we're both 15. He's from L2 like me," Duo quickly lied, "We were taken in by another boy that we became friends with here, and his two older brothers."  
  
"I see, does this lack of family bother you?"  
  
"Of course not," Duo quipped, "The guys that I live with _are_ my family"  
  
There was a long silence.  
  
"Do you want to talk about why you hurt yourself so badly?"  
  
"No," Duo said flatly, "It's not like it's any of your business anyways."  
  
"I just want to help you, you know," he said, used to the common reaction that patients gave him when dealing with their own problems.  
  
"You _can't_ help me, so stop trying."  
  
+  
  
Wufei stood over Duo's bed, watching him as he slept. His pale face seemed so innocent and young, only to be fused with the scars of pain that resided upon the rest of his body. His long brown hair remained unbraided from the night's previous shower and was wrapped around his body along with the white hospital sheets.  
  
"Mr. Chang, you really should get some rest."  
  
Wufei wasn't startled to see the young blonde nurse reappear in the doorway. She checked on him very often, more then usual patients. But maybe that was just how they treated suicide patients.   
  
"I know you're really worried about your friend," she continued, "and I appreciate you helping out, and even cleaning up his mess yesterday, but you need to take care of yourself as well. We wouldn't want to have you as a patient here as well." She smiled warmly. Wufei nodded.  
  
"It can't hurt to leave him here over night. I'll be back in the morning."  
  
"Good, since you're coming back tomorrow, can you do me a favor and bring Duo's pills back with you? He mentioned something about them, but we couldn't get him to say what kinds of medications he was taking. We couldn't get any of his doctors records, so he may be taking something that he really needs."  
  
"Of course."  
  
+  
  
The heavy silence of the safehouse greeted Wufei as he opened the thick front door. It was strange to be the only one there, only one other time had he been alone in the house. The only thing to welcome him home were the red numbers blazing 1:47. Wufei was surprisingly not tired, and the mention of Duo's pills had been tugging on his mind. He didn't even know that Duo _had_ pills.  
  
//Where would he keep them....?//  
  
He knew that they weren't in the kitchen; he would have either seen Duo taking them or come across them himself. He headed straight to Duo's bedroom, the most sensible place for him to keep his belongings. The door to the room was still wide open to the point where Wufei had roughly forced it. A dried red stain read "Bye" on the remaining part of the mirror and the crimson tint of the soaked carpet would linger there forever. Bloody shards of the mirror were still scatted upon the floor; Wife had not been home enough to clean it up. He pulled open the rough wooden drawer of the nightstand to begin his search, only to find a bottle of alcohol and a smaller, dull knife, engraved to read "D.M." on the handle. His eyes scanned the room, from his kneeling spot on the floor of where the pills could be hidden. Suddenly Wufei slammed the drawer closed with a sudden realization of the obvious place for Duo to hide his things -- Duo's bathroom.  
  
Wufei had never been inside Duo's bathroom before. It was smaller then the others and more cluttered, but Duo could store whatever he wanted here as nobody ventured to the back of the house to use it, so a great deal of his clothes and towels, among other things, were stored there. Wufei searched the first two cabinets, coming across nothing but an empty bottle of aspirin. Opening the third, his eyes surveyed the pill collection, realizing why Duo would not tell the nurse what medications he took.  
  
//Oh god, Duo.... half of this stuff is illegal!// 


	7. Truth

Until My Dying Day  
Part Seven: Truth  
  
Duo awoke to a pair of cold blue eyes raining down upon his face, a shocking change to the black eyes that had been greeting him as of late.  
  
"How are you holding up?" Heero asked, seeming to effortlessly choke down a sound of concern.  
  
"Well, hello Heero, glad you could join the festivities," Duo said with a smirk.  
  
"I don't find this funny," he replied flatly, then turned his head toward the doorway, "Quatre."  
  
Momentarily, the small blonde figure bustled into the room, eyes brimming with concerned fear.  
  
"Duo... I'm glad you've pulled through. Sorry it took us a few days to get here; Wufei's communications didn't get through."  
  
"Don't worry about it, you didn't have to waste your time. 'Fei here has been taking good care of me," he said, sleep still cluttering his voice. Wufei rolled his eyes at Duo's nickname for him from his position against the doorjamb.  
  
"Well, sorry guys, but I'm going to have to disappoint you," he grinned, his familiar mask sheltering him from the others, "but I'm going to need a hand getting out of this bed to go to the bathroom."  
  
He roughly clambered from the hospital bed, greatly helped over the bars by Quatre, and wandered through the bathroom door. He hopped up onto the counter and began to fumble with a hairpin that was intertwined with the tail of his braid.  
  
+  
  
"So how is he really doing?" Heero asked, turning to Wufei.  
  
"Not so well. He refused to talk to the psychiatrist, not that I doubted that, but they say he has to keep seeing him. They also recommended me to counseling," he rolled his eyes, "they think that I'll hurt myself just because he did."  
  
"Has he talked to you at all?" Quatre asked hopefully.  
  
"No. But he hasn't been hiding from me either."  
  
Heero raised an eyebrow, "Hiding?"  
  
"Well, he hasn't been hiding behind his pretense happiness, like how he was acting a few minutes ago. I suspect he may even open up to me, if I ask him." Wufei said, giving a hopeful nod towards the bathroom door. Heero nodded.  
  
"Good. Keep giving him the chance."  
  
"I'm planning on it."  
  
"Have you gotten him to eat more?" Quatre asked sadly, "he still looks too skinny."  
  
"No," Wufei shook his head, "on the contrary, he's refusing food."  
  
"You would think in a hospital they would make sure the patients eat," Heero remarked.  
  
"They have been trying. His first night he threw the tray against the wall. I wasn't in when they brought his meal yesterday, but when I returned, it was in the garbage," Wufei softened his voice, "I don't know what to do."  
  
"Just keep trying," Quatre encouraged strongly, laying a pale hand on Wufei's shoulder, "That's all you can do. It's you he'll trust. I know it."  
  
"I know.... I know. You're right." Wufei looked hopeless and a bit defeated.  
  
"Right, me and Quatre have things to finish up. We'll see you at the safehouse if you come home tonight," Heero said tonelessly.   
  
"Yes, we'll see you then, good luck," Quatre said with a small nod towards the bathroom. Wufei nodded as the other two left the bright room, isolating him with own thoughts.  
  
+  
  
Duo retrieved a hairpin from the tail of his braid. He was relieved that he had replaced it after the last shower he had taken. He could clearly hear the lowered voices from the opposite face of the door, the voices that were distinctly speaking of him. Shit. He had made them worry. Maybe thats what he had wanted, deep down. But he had had better reasons than that. He knew they didn't care about him. He knew. But somehow now, they were worried. And it made him hate himself more. He chewed off the plastic on the end of the hairpin with his teeth and spit it into the trashcan that contained the previous night's meal. Duo carefully pulled back the tape on his bandages and opened them up. The bigger slices were held together by stitches, mostly the ones higher on his arms. The ones that were on the vulnerable areas of his wrist were smaller, done in more rigid, violent slashes. That had been his mistake; he hadn't cut deep enough were it counted. He scowled at himself, disgusted at his stupidity. What kind of idiot killed himself wrong?  
  
Before he could stop himself, the sharp end of the hairpin was driven into one of the smaller slits, tearing open the sealed scab. Blood protruded immediately, slowly seeping from the interior edges of the slice. He ripped the pin through the rest of the wound violently, shedding the scab that had kept in the blood. Duo quickly moved his bandages away from the crying slit; if bleeding increased that quickly on its own, the doctors would be more than suspicious.   
  
He began to tear into cut after cut, needing to feel the pain that caused crimson tears to fall from his skin. Suddenly realizing the outside voices had ceased, he knew he needed to hurry; Wufei would question him anyway, but if avoidable Duo didn't enjoy being assaulted with unanswerable questions. With facet running and paper towels in hand, he attempted to slow the bleeding.  
  
+  
  
//What's going on with me?// Wufei wondered to himself as he sat on the mauve chair by Duo's bed. He didn't understand why he felt this tie to Duo, this closeness. It frightened him. It terrified him more so with the realization that Duo felt that same sort of closeness towards him. With Wufei around, Duo hadn't been pretending to be happy. He obviously felt that he didn't need to. But the moment he saw Heero's face, he masked his fear and sadness again, like he didn't trust them. Why would he appear so vulnerable in front of Wufei, who was usually over critical of him, and even nasty to him? It was as if Duo had somehow suddenly began trusting him, even considering him a friend and not just a comrade. And Wufei felt the same way for him, but what terrified him the most was that he hadn't felt entirely comfortable with the other pilots in the room. He even felt a tinge of jealousy.  
  
The bathroom door clicked open, revealing a pale unsheltered Duo, allowing Wufei to wonder if the other had also felt a little uncomfortable around Heero and Quatre.  
  
"What's wrong, Duo?" he asked, struggling not to allow too much concern to flow from his lips.  
  
"Nothing," he dismissed with a wave of his hand.  
  
"You don't need to lie," Wufei slipped through his lips softly.   
  
Duo didn't trust his voice, partially due to the fact that his lips would misguide his words into a strangled confession. His eyes met the cool, silk ebony gaze that had fallen upon his face, and released something that had been pleading for liberty; a tear.  
  
"Duo..." Wufei whispered. Suddenly, Duo was aware of two strong arms around him, holding him in a tight ring to a silk clothed body. He was unaware of what was happening, unsure if this was real or just another dream. The embrace was like that of an angels wings, curling around his weakened form like a strong outer shell, holding him together since he couldn't seem to contain himself. Duo leaned his entire figure into the form of the other, his head buried in Wufei's shoulder. His eyes finally relented to the tears that had strained his vision as his limbs began to shake, giving way to the pain that was pinning him down. It was too much; he couldn't contain himself any longer. He clutched his arms around Wufei's back, holding himself upright as the salty tears brimmed from his eyelids.  
  
"It's alright, Duo. Let yourself cry, it is alright," Wufei whispered, "You don't have to pretend anymore."  
  
At his words, Duo pulled back from the embrace, his face frozen in fear as he wiped his cheeks with his forearm. Oh god, why did he let Wufei see him this way? Of course Wufei knew about his false mask, of course he could see it was just an act. But to sink so low in front of him....  
  
//He must think I'm the weakest person alive.//  
  
He stood numbly staring at Wufei as the other looked at him quizzically, as if deciding what he had done wrong.  
  
"Duo, what's--?" Wufei was cut off as he began moving closer the chestnut haired boy.  
  
"No!" Duo yelled as an outstretched hand moved even nearer to him, "please, no..." He jolted backwards and pressed his body firmly against the wall, avoiding the touch that he had ached for for so long. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, Wufei wasn't just supposed to sympathize for him. He couldn't bear the sensation of that tantalizing touch, knowing it was only given out of pity. He wanted Wufei to care about him genuinely, from his heart.  
  
"Du-" he began, but a voice cut his words short before they were brought to life.  
  
"Mr. Chang, I'm going to have to ask that you retreat to the lobby immediately. Duo does not need somebody to add to his stress." came the stern voice of the blonde nurse.  
  
"I am not causing him stress," he shot back harshly.  
  
"Mr. Chang, an unwelcome emotional attack is definitely classified as causing stress, now get out of this room!" She pointed a shaking finger towards the doorway.  
  
Looking defeated, he walked past the nurse and into the hallway fists clenches. He vaguely registered the sound of the nurse's voice, attempting to soothe Duo.  
  
+  
  
Wufei's head rested on his arm which was draped over a retracted leg, never before feeling as alone as he did in the over cheery waiting room. There was an empty pop can dangling from his fingers, an occasional drop snaking its way through the mouth. He didn't understand; what had he done wrong to make Duo react that way? He had only tried to console him, and is had seemed that he didn't mind. Until Wufei attempted to verbally comfort him. What had he said?  
  
~/You don't have to pretend anymore./~  
  
"Duo doesn't want to admit that it's just an act," Wufei whispered to the empty silence around him, "is he worried what I will think? He doesn't have to hide from me!"  
  
Wufei was angry at the fact that he couldn't get Duo to open up. Nothing would get better if he kept hiding behind that stupid mask of his. Wufei clenched his fist around the can, crushing it roughly and letting it fall to the floor. With determination, he stood and briskly strode back down the hospital hallway. Nearing Duo's room, he slowed his pace a bit, wondering what would be done on behalf of his return. He peered around the doorway, only to find that the nurse was still there. Didn't she have more patients to look after? She appeared not to notice anything, too involved with making a vivid show of herself to Duo, until Wufei blatantly cleared his throat, drawing her attention to the poised form in the doorway. She frowned.  
  
"Mr. Chang, I believe you were asked to remain in the waiting room."  
  
"And I belive that what you are doing is more of an emotional attack then what I have inflicted upon him," he returned icily, though calmly. Duo stared with confusion at the situation, black fire alight in the eyes of the Chinese boy. Why was Wufei defending him?  
  
"I wouldn't make an attack on any patient of mine!" she returned.  
  
"Then take care of your other patients instead of audaciously flirting with vulnerable men!" he snapped with malice, "If you think that you can come in here and play with the hearts of people that have gone through more than you will ever know, you are very truly mistaken."  
  
Then Duo understood. //He's jealous....//  
  
The nurse was taken aback by the outburst of the usually reserved boy. A doctor appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Shella, what is going on in here?"  
  
Before the nurse could reply, Wufei intervened.  
  
"I request that this nurse is removed from the responsibilities of this patient and a different nurse put under the duty of providing his care."  
  
The doctor looked from Wufei to the nurse, and then to an apprehensive looking Duo, and then nodded.  
  
"I'll see what I can do, come with me. And you too, Shella. We're going to have to speak to people of higher power than I."  
  
Wufei gave Duo a reassuring nod before following the doctor from the room. On his way past the nurse's station, he stopped at the desk and retracted a plastic bag of pills from his pocket.  
  
"Excuse me, he said handing the bag to a woman behind the counter, "these are requested property of the patient in 1668d, please see that they are delivered into the proper hands."   
  
The women smiled and nodded, as Wufei turned and fell in step behind the doctor that was leading down the hallway. 


	8. Comfort

Until My Dying Day  
Part Eight: Comfort  
  
Duo eyed Wufei suspiciously as the boy stood in silence, eyes closed, against the wall at the foot of the bed. No words had been spoken between the two today, both having emotional confusion streaming through their hearts. Neither could begin to imagine what the other was thinking, and neither dared to ask.  
  
Duo's eyes studied all of the other boy's features, scanning the way his stature was tired and defeated. Wufei had been doing so much for him lately, so much of it he did needlessly. Especially getting that flirty nurse out of his room. Could Wufei really feel for Duo what Duo felt for him? Duo dismissed the thought; he loved Wufei. Wufei would never love him. He was not capable of receiving anybody's love, even if Wufei had seemed jealous of the nurse... it must have just been a misunderstanding.  
  
//He probably just doesn't want me getting attached to anybody. It's not like I could just have her for a cozy night at the safe house.//  
  
Duo smiled at the image that the last thought had conjured; Quatre pouring a tea tray in the kitchen for the guest as Duo nonchalantly welcomed Shella to the humble abode of the Gundam pilots. Most amusing thought Duo had in quite a while; in fact a small laugh escaped his lips.   
  
Wufei's eyes fluttered open at the quiet laughter. What could Duo be laughing at?  
  
"What's funny?" Wufei asked with a puzzled expression.  
  
"Nothing, just thinking," Duo said, smiling to Wufei.  
  
"About what?" he asked, wanting to learn of this sudden source of amusement.   
  
Duo shrugged, "What were _you_ thinking about, then, if you're so curious?"  
  
"Do you really care what I'm thinking about?" Wufei smirked.  
  
"Of course I do," Duo said, suddenly serious, looking directly into Wufei's eyes. Wufei wasn't expecting such a comment from Duo, he figured the boy would throw back a sarcastic remark, or just shrug it off all together. He chewed thoughtfully on his bottom lip, wondering if Duo could see through the, what now felt transparent, shield that he had created for himself. He wasn't sure, himself, about his feelings; he wasn't going to pull Duo into his uncertainty. Duo had enough to deal with right now.  
  
"Hey 'Fei, you gonna tell me or not?" a grinning Duo asked, slicing through his thoughts. Wufei looked at Duo's face... was that a _real_ smile there?  
  
"Perhaps," he said, his own smile curving on his lips, "Since you want to know... I was thinking about you. I was thinking about how I could help."  
  
"That's nice of you, 'Fei, but I don't think _anybody_ can help me," he said, still smiling.  
  
//Shit. That wasn't a real smile, that was his damn mask again.//  
  
"Or maybe you just won't let them," Wufei said softly. Duo just shrugged.  
  
"Or maybe I just can't trust anybody," he replied bitterly, yet his smile was eerily fixed in place. Creepy, how that pretense was so determined, so convincing. What had happened to the unmasked mystery that had been steadily coming out from his shell? Had Wufei frightened him away with his forward attitude towards Shella?  
  
"You can't trust me?" Wufei mustered the nerve to ask.  
  
//If only you know, you are the _only_ one I trust, Wufei.//  
  
"If there's one thing I've learned in my life, Wu, it's never trust anyone but yourself."  
  
"But you don't even trust yourself," Wufei said coolly. Duo's face tightened as the smile shrunk, yet lingered in the crevices of his lips.  
  
//What a ridiculous burden he forces upon himself, and so needlessly...// Wufei thought to himself.  
  
"Whatever you think you know about me, just forget it. Forget it. I don't need anyone," Duo said loudly. Wufei only nodded; he didn't want to push too much. Duo needed to calm his nerves and a reason to quit thinking that everyone was out to hurt him. If he wasn't going to open up, he wouldn't push him... yet. He knew that every day the weights bore down harder on Duo's shoulders; there was only so long until he crumbled. But for now he was holding himself up, and Wufei could allow him a little more time to shift his weights.   
  
Duo stared as the Chinese pilot easily backed off, giving his heart a little more space to breathe. Did Wufei understand? Whenever Wufei was near, his heart was pounding to break free, desperately trying to fly from his chest and reveal every secret. But how could he reveal secrets that he couldn't even admit to himself? No, he could never understand. If Duo shared his soul, he would be treated like a child, he would be treated as if he were weak.  
  
Dr. Sheno appeared in the doorway, cutting through Duo's thoughts with a bright, toothy smile.  
  
"You're Chang Wufei, I'm assuming?" he asked, peering at a clipboard. Wufei returned a short nod.  
  
"Great," he flashed a wider smile, "Can I have a few words with you in the hallway?"  
  
"Of course," Wufei said airily and resigned to the hallway, leaving Duo in a confused daze as he glued his eyes to the clock. Seconds trickled into eternity as slow minutes passed, one after another, weeping together into the flowing stream that was called time. The realization finally sunk in that only seven minutes had passed before Wufei reappeared in the room. Duo looked up expectantly.  
  
"What was that about?"  
  
"You're being discharged tomorrow morning," Wufei announced with a smile, as Duo's face lit up in what he _knew_ was genuine happiness.  
  
+  
  
Wufei stood in the center of the blue and grey bedroom, wondering in confusion where to start. The doctor had told him to make sure that every shred of evidence from the incident was removed so as not to throw Duo into a state of rage, fear, shock, or a mixture of all three. He stared at the haunting images that he had surveyed over and over, while in the room and out. The mirror, the blood, the sheets, it all whirled around him, stabbing his heart with pain. The pain in the room was unbearable, focusing in on him and tossing him into an oblivious fear. A shiver trickled down Wufei's spine, causing his entire body to relent to the shudder.  
  
He kneeled down to the floor and began collecting broken shards of the mirror into his palm, noticing for the first time how some had been sharpened against each other, not that it was difficult to tell which pieces had been tools of mutilation. The blood crumbled easily from the glass and fell to the floor as Wufei emitted a sigh. He paused as he caught a glimpse of himself from the pieces. He looked pale and stressed, his hair was out of place, not at all like himself. What had Duo seen in his reflection when he was slicing through his own skin? Did he see a strong soldier, or just a lost and wandering child? Was his reflection somebody he feared, a stranger? He was always running from himself, from the truth. And that is exactly what a reflection shows. Duo wouldn't have been able to tolerate all of the miniature reflections staring up at him, taunting him with their tears, it was just an obstacle to overcome, but he wasn't able to overcome himself. He reacted in the only way that he understood.   
  
//Gods, Duo, but you don't understand at all.//  
  
Wufei stood and emptied glass shards into a garbage bag, and stooped to collect more miniature pieces one small handful at a time until the floor was cleared. He moved towards the small twin bed to remove the torn sheets when a stabbing pain ripped into the sole of his foot. Jerking back immediately, he discovered one last piece of glass, the sharpest of all that he had cleared. His blood dripped from his foot and mingled with the dried blood of Duo's self-inflicted injuries. Not wanting to create a larger mess then he already had to deal with, he tore a strip from the old sheets and wrapped it tightly around the cut.  
  
He winced a bit as he set his foot down on the floor; the cut was deep. Checking the clock, Wufei realized he needed to work faster. Morning would come before he knew it, he only had tonight. Quatre was picking up Duo at 8:30 a.m. and everything had to be spotless for his arrival. He retrieved a rag from the closet and dampened it in the bathroom. Returning to the room, he pressed the wet cloth to the broken remains of the mirror that still stood. Wufei held it in place over Duo's eerie message of "Bye" and watched as lines of red crept slowly into the white purity of the cloth, reminding Wufei that nothing would last forever. He was nearly dazed as he watched in fascination while he continued the procedure. When the crimson stains had all been wiped clean, Wufei stood back to check over his work. He frowned at the image that greeted him. Thought there was no trace of blood, the image was burned so intensely into his mind, seeing each visible streak still in place. And nothing could change the brokenness of the mirror.  
  
Ten minutes later found Wufei fitting his own bedroom mirror in to replace Duo's. Duo didn't need a reminder of what he had done. After he had gotten the new mirror in place, he heaved the broken one and wrestled it into his own bedroom. He knew that the mirror would haunt his dreams for many nights to come.  
  
+  
  
A slamming door brought Wufei's head from the table with a jerk. Quatre had walked into the kitchen, followed by an angry looking Heero and an even angrier Duo. Heero's hand was wrapped around Duo's upper arm to instill cooperation.  
  
"What's going on?" Wufei asked, shaking off sleep to make room for the concern that was entitled to Duo. A half-eaten, browned apple rolled from his fingertips where his hand had fallen when sleep captured him the previous night. Ignoring it, he looked up at Heero while something bubbled under his skin at the way he was touching Duo.  
  
"Go back to sleep," Heero said coldly as he pulled Duo through the door to the living room. Duo tried to pull back, but Heero's grip was too firm. Wufei looked to Quatre for information.  
  
"What's this all about?" he interrogated as Heero's berating voice floated into the kitchen.  
  
"Duo tried... something on the way home," Quatre offered, "Heero wasn't happy. He hit him."  
  
Wufei stood up so quickly that his chair was on the ground. He wouldn't tolerate Heero treating Duo in such a way. He flung the kitchen door open to discover Heero gripping the neck of the braided pilot's shirt to hold him on his feet and an angry fear in Duo's sapphire eyes. Before any of the three boys knew what was happening, Duo was pulled free and Heero had a quickly reddening bruise on his cheek. Tension weighed impossibly heavy over the room in a deadly silence. Wufei wrapped his arms protectively around Duo's shoulders and looked straight into Heero's steel eyes.  
  
"Leave Duo alone," he warned sternly, startled by his own words and actions. Heero narrowed his eyes as he stared at the two, yet he nodded as he left the room. Without a word, Wufei ushered Duo up the stairs to his cleaned bedroom. Duo seated himself on the bed and looked around in understanding.  
  
"What did you do?" Wufei asked gently, refusing any sound of accusation from entering his voice. Duo avoided his eyes. Wufei would get mad when he found out... but he would rather tell him himself then leave the duty to Heero.  
  
"I heard that you tried 'something'," Wufei offered Duo the courage to speak.   
  
"I.." Duo started shakily, fearing Wufei's reaction.  
  
"It's alright, Duo," he urged calmly. Duo looked deep into Wufei's velvety onyx eyes, searching for the sign of encouragement that he needed, the urgency in his own sapphire eyes pleading for the care and support and the love that every piece of his dying soul was yearning to reach out and touch. Some sort of silent understanding took place between their gaze and urged Duo's tongue to speak.  
  
"I tried to get out of the car," he admitted slowly, "while it was moving."  
  
Wufei looked at Duo with parted lips, unable to speak, unable to display the emotions that he wanted to share, unable to fold Duo into his arms and hold him close, to comfort him. If only he knew, that was what Duo longed for as well.  
  
"Duo," Wufei said in a voice that didn't sound like his own. Duo flinched at the sound, not knowing whether it was meant to be angry or consoling. Wufei noticed the confusion clouding his eyes and realized the misunderstanding immediately.  
  
"Duo," he repeated, noticeably gentle now. Duo's stiffened form relaxed as Wufei joined him on the bed and curled his strong arms around him.  
A/n: Did you like it? I know not a lot happened in this chapter, but please let me know what you think of the story, whether you like it or hate it, I want feedback, positive or negative! I hope you're enjoying it!   
~Kentra Shinataku 


	9. Insanity

Until My Dying Day  
Part Nine: Insanity  
  
Duo had never experienced such a feeling as that morning where he lay motionless in Wufei's arms, safe and warm, feeling loved for the first time. Wufei had laid down on the bed and pulled Duo with him allowing his chin to rest on the braided boy's shoulder as he held him tight. Duo felt wanted, he felt a purpose to his senseless life. He felt as if time had stopped while he was enclosed by the wings of his angel, and perhaps it did. If life could continue, experiencing this emotion, day by day, he would never have to feel death tugging at the his thin lines of sanity again.  
  
Wufei's smooth hands gently rubbed Duo's arm as the boy shuddered against him in a mass of emotions and long suppressed fear and doubt. He nuzzled his cheek against the delicate mass of chestnut hair that he had longed to touch, and reveled in the feeling of the beautiful forbidden silk that was finally revealed to him. Duo shuddered, feeling the soft breath emitted from Wufei's mouth breeze over his skin. That really was Wufei curled around him, the boy he had loved for what seemed like eternity, and he felt better than Duo could have ever imagined.  
  
What had happened between them? Wufei was uncertain about all of these emotions coursing equally between the two. Duo was a boy... how could he feel this way? He wasn't 'gay'. He couldn't feel this way. But he did, and now he knew that Duo returned his feelings. Was it wrong, to feel sugh deep and intimate emotions towards one of the same gender?  
  
//But gods, it feels so right...//  
  
Their thoughts were one, their minds were one, their bodies melded together into one, all by the act of comforting arms. This feeling could not be wrong.   
  
Wufei ran a hand over Duo's braid, tangled from the negligence it was paid during his time in the hospital.   
  
"Duo," Wufei said softly, sitting up. Duo rolled over to look at him.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Wufei touched the band on the beautiful boy's braid, entwining his fingers in his hair.  
  
"May I?"  
  
Duo hesitated. He loved Wufei with all of his heart, but people couldn't just _touch_ his hair.   
  
"I won't if you don't want me to," Wufei added quickly. That settled Duo's mind; he knew now that Wufei really cared, he deserved to see Duo's beauty more than anybody else.  
  
"No, no. Of course you can," he allowed, sitting up and backing in between Wufei's sleek, straddled legs. Wufei smiled at receiving the boy's trust.   
  
He pulled the black rubber band from the thick, silky braid and delved his graceful, lean fingers into it, separating tangled strands from others. Fifteen minutes passed as he returned his hair to a long, smooth curtain beneath his fingertips. He ran his fingers through and through, softening his hair thoroughly. Wufei peered to see Duo's face and marveled at his expression; Duo looked as if he were in pure heaven. Wufei placed his fingers near Duo's scalp and flowed them down to the very end of the strands. Duo's body was seized by shudder after shudder as a small gasp escaped his lips.  
  
Wufei smiled as he began to rebraid Duo's silky hair. Duo was disappointed that the tender treatment had come to an end, and as he turned his head to speak his appreciation, he felt what he least expected; Wufei's mouth melting into his. For a moment, Duo was shocked and didn't realize that the Chinese boy's tongue was pressing between his heated lips, but realization came quick enough as he turned his body around and pressed every inch of himself into Wufei.   
  
Minutes later, the kiss ended as two breathless boys resumed position in each others arms, no words spoken between them.  
  
+  
  
Dinner was of usual silence that night. Nothing much was ever discussed around the table unless they _needed_ to share important news. Heero sat next to Quatre, glaring at Wufei when he thought the other boy didn't see, as he tried not to reveal the deep purple bruise on his cheek by covering it with his hand. Heero broke the silence as he skidded his chair back and picked up his plate.  
  
"Duo, you're a fool," he commented simply, staring at how the boy hadn't taken a single bite of his dinner. Duo tensed, and Wufei placed a protectively calming hand on his knee. Quatre noticed the tension and said softly to Duo,  
  
"You really should eat something."  
  
Duo shrugged off his growling stomach, "I'm not hungry."  
  
Heero gave him a look that seemed not to fit the face of the Perfect Soldier; concern. As though he didn't want to care, he abruptly turned to wash his plate and didn't look to Duo again as he headed into the living room.  
  
Duo settled a bit after Heero had left, but excused himself very soon after. On his way out, he gave Wufei a glance as if to follow him, and Wufei returned to gesture with a short nod as he began helping Quatre with the rest of the dishes.  
  
Duo disappeared up the stairs to the usual dim hallway, but instead of turning left to his room, he turned right and headed down to the end of the hallway where Wufei's bedroom was. Turning the handle, he realized that he had never once been inside the room in the time he had spent here. The room couldn't have belonged to anybody _but_ Wufei, though, Duo noticed as he saw the silk red curtains and bedding and an opened trunk filled with ancient looking Chinese books.  
  
Duo sat down carefully on the silk covered bed and delicately smoothed his fingers over it. It looked old, like almost everything else in the room. Duo's eyes suddenly locked onto the corner of the room to find a very familiar object; his mirror. Why had Wufei brought it into his _own_ room? He could have put it somewhere out of sight, to try to block out the memories, but he hadn't. He didn't believe that memories could be erased so easily. Duo smiled as he walked to the mirror, running a soft finger over a jagged edge of the glass. No blood protruded from the fingertip, it was not intended to. Duo had somebody to love, somebody who would return his feelings. That was all Duo had wanted. Nobody had ever done it before, nobody had felt the burning desire to be with him, to touch him, to run his fingers through his hair. But he needed the truth.  
  
He knew, of course, that Wufei cared, but how far was he planning to go? Would he want him forever, or just let his feelings grow old? Duo needed to know.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
The American boy jumped, caught with fingers against cutting glass.  
  
"I see you brought my mirror in here," he commented casually, as if about the weather.  
  
"I didn't want it to serve as a reminder to you," Wufei said, standing very close to Duo, "but I suppose that is unavoidable."  
  
Duo sighed as he detached his eyes from the seemingly magnetic mirror.  
  
"Hopefully, I won't have to worry about that," he remarked, leaving Wufei to ponder the meaning of the statement, "but I've gotta know, Wufei."  
  
He put his hands on Wufei's shoulders as he briefly pushed his lips to the other boy's, and after a moment of bliss, pulled away and let their eyes melt together, a flame of desperation alight in Duo's.  
  
"You need to know what?" Wufei asked slowly, as if wandering through a dream.  
  
"Wufei... I love you. I have for a long time. I need to know... I need... do you feel the same way?" Duo pleaded, praying to whatever gods existed that he didn't sound _too_ desperate.  
  
"Do I love you?" Wufei repeated, still lost in a daze. So many emotions washed over him at once, fear, denial, need, caring, wanting, feeling,... was there love in that? He wasn't 'gay'; he couldn't be 'that way'. His eyes stared straight into sapphire heaven, feeling vulnerable enough that Duo could see all of his thoughts. " I... I care a lot about you, Duo. I've never felt like this before. But love... I don't know what love is. I don't know if what I feel for you is love."  
  
Duo stared incredulously at Wufei, not knowing how to respond. Wufei didn't love him. What had he been thinking? What an idiot he was, to think that Wufei would ever want him. Wufei didn't love him.  
  
"I... understand..." Duo stuttered as he backed up towards the door.  
  
"Duo," Wufei started awkwardly as Duo slowly backed himself out of the room.  
  
"No..." Duo said allowing a single tear to fall from his angelic eye, "no. I just needed to know."  
  
He shut the door, without slamming it, in front of Wufei's face and leaned against the hallway wall outside. Wufei didn't love him. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. Now he didn't have much time.  
  
+  
  
Wufei stared at the closed door in front of him, too ashamed to go after Duo, and too infuriated for not knowing what he felt. Duo would never understand, and would never forgive him, he knew, and he knew that he didn't deserve it. He never could have imagined such pain in those beautiful eyes, such intensity. And he was the one who caused it. He had hurt Duo. Badly.  
  
+  
  
Duo wasted no time in realizing the current situation. The one person who could ever bring him happiness had left him alone, he was too uncertain to admit to Duo how he felt. Duo let the madness take him, make him its own. It didn't matter now; he didn't have much longer anyways. Wufei didn't love him.   
  
He kneeled by his bed, trembling in a mixture of fear and anger. He reached far beneath the bed until a smooth wooden box became present beneath his grasp. A maniac smile played on his face as he fumbled with the latch and flipped the lid back, revealing a glistening black handgun. Insanity slipped over him, drawing him closer to the inevitable edge as he pocket the lifeline that would take away all life.  
  
+  
  
Wufei pressed a red and gold silk pillow to his cheek, maybe as a means of comfort, maybe to keep the tears in, though they were already falling freely. He didn't want to be the source of Duo's pain. He should have told Duo that he loved him, whether it was true or not. At least that way, Duo would give his pain to him. Wufei could have lessened the pain, made it easier to bear, but instead he had multiplied it, thrown it back in Duo's face like the weak man he was, all because he couldn't handle it. Wufei clenched his eyelids tight.  
  
//Nataku, forgive my weakness...//  
  
+  
  
Duo ripped the drawer out of the nightstand, flinging it to the floor with the force he used. It turned sideways, spilling the contents over the ground. He rummaged through the various items until he found what he needed. Grabbing the pen and notepad, he rapidly began painting words on the blank page, scarring the purity with angry syllables. He figured this time he would give a real farewell; nothing would hinder his plan this time. A cheap goodbye wouldn't settle it, he needed his final words to play throughout their minds until it haunted them.   
  
He couldn't bring himself to write to Wufei, he couldn't scar him too bad, he loved him, even if he would never return the feeling. The final letter was directed to Heero, somebody who could take it, somebody who needed to learn how to care. Wufei didn't need to carry the final burden. Pen flying acorss the paper, he signed his name with self-hatred, for the very last time. He didn't care; Wufei didn't love him. He folded the letter, lining everything perfectly, every line, every crevice. He picked up his old D.M. engraved knife from amidst the pile that had fallen from his nightstand drawer. It was dull, but it still could cut. Dragging it slowly across his fingertip, he watched as the blood slipped forth before smearing it over the front of the letter, knowing that wouldn't be the only blood the others would see tonight.   
  
Checking for the final time that his handgun was loaded, he took the letter and for a last touch, smashed his foot into Wufei's mirror, watching as it shattered into miniscule pieces on the floor.  
  
//Let him feel the brokenness. He doesn't love me.//  
  
Cracking the door open, he peered into the hallway, making sure nobody was there to see his final act, his last stand against the world. Plodding in his natural silence, he entered Heero's empty bedroom, folded the sky blue sheets until they were completely smooth and laid the letter in plain sight. Briefly he wondered which would be more haunting, the blood dripping from the paper or the blood dripping from his words? Leaving the door ajar so that it would draw attention, he slid down the stairs quietly. But upon entering the kitchen, an unexpected obstacle was revealed. Quatre.  
  
"Where are you going?" Quatre asked sternly, attempting to block Duo's path. Quatre didn't like the look in Duo's eyes, there was something cold there, something that glinted of death.  
  
But Duo wouldn't let anybody block him tonight.  
  
"Get outta my way, Winner," he growled, giving the blonde a shove. Quatre stared at him with disbelief as Duo slammed the kitchen door. The moment Duo was released from the captivity of the house, he walked straight into an entering Trowa.  
  
Not wanting to show his insanity to ensure that Trowa wouldn't follow him, he politely excused himself as the emerald eyed boy smiled and walked in the kitchen door. His plan would go on.  
  
Once positive that he was alone in the cold night air, he broke into a run over the empty land around him. He didn't care where he was going, he just had to get far enough away, but not too far. He didn't care. Wufei didn't love him. Wufei didn't love him. Wufei didn't love him.  
  
+  
  
//I can't believe I did this to him. I can't believe I hurt him so badly. I don't know what I was thinking...//  
  
Wufei pulled his face away from the tear stained silk, looking at his own broken reflection, seeing his own brokenness for the first time. His trembling, broken figure, his confused, broken emotions, his unsteady, broken gaze, they all combined inside his reflection, making the brokenness complete to form the obvious.  
  
"I love him," he whispered to himself slowly, the words gliding easily from his lips, "I love him."  
  
What Wufei didn't realize, however, was that a certain braided boy spoke the same words as the gunshot rang outside. 


	10. Finality

Until My Dying Day  
Part Ten: Finality  
  
Heero jerked his head as the sound of the gunshot erupted through the silent darkness. A sinking feeling of dread settled in the deepest parts of his body as he closed his laptop and rigidly stood. His heart sped up as he peered into the outside darkness through the window. Senses coming to him quickly, he turned and bolted up the stairs, running into things along the way to reach the most logical person; Wufei. He would have pounded on his door, but at that moment it flew open as Wufei ran out and crashed into a startled Heero, in too serious state of shock to speak. For a second, he stared dumbly while clutching Heero's shirt, before pushing him away and jumping down the stairs, taking three at a time. Not wanting to jump to the same conclusions too quickly, he allowed Wufei to pass him by without following. He decided he would check Duo's room first, though on his way he noticed a strange factor. His own bedroom door was opened, the door that he strictly enforced must remain closed. Peering his head inside, unwilling to ignore the possibility that Duo was occupying the room, he noticed that though the room was void of human presence, the sheets were folded back, revealing a folded white piece   
of paper covered in...  
  
//Blood...// Heero realize, the dooming feeling tearing apart at the pits of his stomach. In a trancelike movement, unwilling to believe the inevitable, he slowly unfolded the bloodstained sheet, pouring out the tragically written words that were scrawled across the paper. His eyes grew wide while an eerie chill poisoned his body, and he realized that this was _Duo's_ blood spilling across his hands, something he knew but didn't want to believe.  
  
'Heero,  
  
Since I met you, I've admired you as a brother. Your strength and perfection always have made me hold you in very high regard, and though I've been a great annoyance at times, I hope you can find it in your hidden heart to forgive my memory.  
  
All the times you guys pushed me away, you never worried when I needed it, and I know _damn_ well that _some_ of you have heard my cry. I caught Wufei listening at my door, and not even _he_ knocked to see what was wrong. Of course not, nobody cared, at least not until it was too late. You guys had a lot to deal with, I know that. I did too. But you   
could have spared me a few minutes. Was it really too much to ask?  
  
I'm sorry for the state of this letter, but insane people to tend to ramble, ne? Maybe you'll laugh at that, maybe I can crack that grim mask of yours. You made it clear what you wanted when I tried to jump from the car. You hit me. You didn't want to be responsible for my death. Now you don't have to be, because I'll be dead by time you read this anyways, and you won't know until too late. Conscience cleared.  
I really should be writing this to Wufei as well, but I'm out of time to stay my hand, I'm too far gone. I really loved Wufei, everything about him is so perfectly fashioned, his eyes hold a beautiful black fire that only time will smolder. I love him, but now I know he will never love me. I don't think he realized, tell him for me, please Heero, just let him have a taste of the love that I feel for him.  
  
I hope with every inch of my dying soul that none of you will cry for me, not that you would even think of it. I've taken my life from my own possessions and handed it over to Shinigami. It's too hard to live anymore. I figured you would understand this best, but you weren't as weak as I to completely give in. My unshed tears echo my heartbeat, pounding inside my eyelids to let me cry, and my wrists are running out of room for scars. Daytime is a living torture to me, and every sleepless night is worse. I know I must sound like the weakest man you ever met, but these short teenage years have already lasted an eternity.  
  
Duo Maxwell  
  
P.S. Wufei- I always told myself that I would love you until my dying day. I was right for once, for the first time ever. This time you can't say I fucked up. I love you.'  
  
Heero stood with a face contorted by horror, mouth and eyes widened with the words that had just flowed through his mind.  
  
"No..." he whispered sullenly, then, clenching the letter firmly in his hand, "NO!"  
He fled from the room, jumping the entire staircase at once, though he landed on his knees at the bottom, and rushed outside, bypassing a bewildered looking Quatre and Trowa. A cry rang into the icy air around him, a cry similar to the one he had strangled only moments before, a cry that could belong to nobody else but Wufei.  
  
"NO! No... Duo..."   
  
Heero followed to sound of muffled crying, running as fast as he could until he saw the two figures that were illuminated by the moonlight atop a hill, one kneeling as he clutched the other to his chest. He sprinted up the hill, stopping horrified, meters from the two, staring as Wufei held Duo, a thick red substance flowing freely over his palms.  
  
"Duo..." Heero murmured, startling the crying boy. Wufei buried his face deeper into Duo's lifeless chest, too ashamed to let Heero's eyes witness his tears. Heero rigidly put a hand on Wufei's trembling shoulder as the boy drew a sharp breath. He finally pulled up his head to meet the gaze that he expected to be sharp and berating, yet it was soft and filled with sympathy for a lost.... comrade? Partner? //No.// Wufei decided, //Yuy lost a _friend_.//  
  
A silent discussion took place between their eyes, and Wufei nodded, wiping his tears on Duo's shirt. He lifted his lifeless body from the muddy grass, noticing how light he was from refusing food for so long. He barely withheld another crying gasp as his knees began to shake. Heero awkwardly spread his arms around Wufei, pressing them both to the body between them. Sensing that he could barely uphold himself, Heero took Duo's thin body from a reluctant Wufei as he also supported himself.  
  
"It was my fault," Wufei croaked as they made their way back to the house, "He... he asked me if I loved him... and I told him that I didn't know..."  
  
"Listen to me, Wufei: You can't blame yourself for this. He would have done it sooner or later. Once somebody gets that deeply into that mind state, they are not coming back to complete sanity," Heero explained sternly, as the silence descended again, only plagued by Wufei's struggled sobs. Heero staggered beneath the weight he was carrying, not because the boys were too much for him, but because everything seemed to be closing in at once. The very air around him seemed to be suffocating him with its weight. Duo couldn't be gone, it couldn't be real.  
  
//No. Death is something that I just have to accept. That's what I've been doing all my life, right?// he thought, attempting to convince himself that the blood pouring from Duo's right temple was just a result of another irreversible death. It wasn't something he could control, not something he could change. Control. He could never grasp a fluent sense of control to prevent something like this, he realized as they were tainted by the light flooding from the porch, his lack of control apparent as one of his first tears trickled down his face.  
  
Quatre and Trowa waited expectantly on the porch, Quatre more shaken than the confused Trowa, Wufei noticed as they inched nearer to the house. How would he explain what he had done? This was all his fault. The eyes of both waiting boys widened in unison as their vision fell upon the limp body, noticing a braid draped casually over his arm. Quatre gasped, knowing that he was dead upon seeing him, while Trowa stood in an uncertain shock, knowing nothing of Duo's depression or the events of the past weeks.  
  
"Is he...dead?" Trowa asked cautiously, hoping that the answer would not come. Nobody answered, creating an uncomfortably long silence and revealing the inexplicable truth that nobody wanted to hear. Trowa lowered his eyes to the muddy grass beneath his feet as the boys walked into the door that Quatre held open. Duo's body was laid over the kitchen table before Heero grabbed towels from the cupboard and sent Quatre for a first aid kit, though knowing it was already too late for that.   
  
"Might as well stop the bleeding, at least..." he muttered in an undertone, receiving only silence as an answer from Trowa and Wufei. He laid an ear to Duo's chest, yet in vain as his heart had given its last beats only moments after he had pulled the trigger. No breath emitted from his lips and the steady rise and fall of his chest had ceased. There was no need to call an ambulance, even if they had the money for it. The boy was dead, there was no changing it. It was so final. They would never see his smile or hear one of his trying, though sometimes perverted and unhumorous, jokes again, never shrug off the incessant idle chatter, never hear his crazy theories on life and death, and all of a sudden Heero regretted never being able to really _talk_ to Duo. He had never actually taken the time to care.   
  
And now he never would.  
  
+  
  
Final. Everything was so final, death was always final.  
  
//Whenever I learn to love someone, my mistakes result in their death. First Meiran, now Duo. I will never love again.// Wufei thought to himself as he washed the blood from the only thing that still appeared living on Duo's body, his silky chestnut hair. The sink was filling with crimson streaked water as Wufei cleaned the matted blood out as best as he could, tenderly avoiding the sloppy stitches that Trowa had sewn to close the never-healing wound. At least it stopped the blood from causing stains in the house; it had   
already stained their souls.  
  
Reluctantly, Wufei seized the band on Duo's braid, liberating the strands for a final time. It felt so wrong to touch his hair without his permission, not like that morning... That morning had been less than 12 hours ago. In only 12 hours he had undergone the most heavenly bliss and punished with the terrors of hell. Nothing would be the same, not ever. He would never have a chance to fix his mistakes, not one opportunity to say 'I love you.' And he knew, as he neatly rebraided the soft fibers between his fingers, that nothing could change finality.  
  
He stared at the lifeless body, eyes shut and mouth hanging slightly open, eerie to see the usually energetic boy so frozen and still. He brushed a finger across his cheek, abruptly drawing back when the cold skin touched him. Tears began stealing down his cheeks again as he scolded his own weakness. He covered his face with a hand as he sensed eyes upon him, a presence from the opposite side of the room. He refused to turn to face the unwelcome visitor, refused to magnify his vulnerability to whoever's intrusive eyes studied him. He wasn't supposed to cry, he was strong. He was a man, not a child. But thoughts would not convince him of anything as he melted into the hand that settled on his shouldered and let his tears free. Two strong arms encircled him from behind, revealing Heero's identity. Wufei let the warmth spread over him, feeling Heero around him and allowing the heated skin to comfort him.  
  
"There's nothing you can do," he whispered, "I know you loved him, but there is nothing you can do."  
  
"I know..." he murmured in reply, nodding, "aren't we going to burry him?"  
  
"We don't have a casket," Heero stated practically.  
  
"Right..." Wufei commented half-heartedly.  
  
"We could cremate him," the steel-eyed boy offered.  
  
"No!" Wufei burst, louder than intended. His fingers were still toying with the tail of   
Duo's braid; he couldn't bear to see all that destroyed. He couldn't destroy such beauty,   
  
"Couldn't we find something to burry him in?"  
  
"I can have Trowa help me build something with the wood planks in the garage. Get Duo prepared."  
  
Wufei nodded as Heero left the room. He fingered Duo's knife in his pocket; he had carried it with him since he had taken it away. With sudden determination, he knew what he was going after. He would make sure that Duo would be buried with possessions that meant something, that told his story, even the mutilating tools of destruction that had ended his life. He already had Duo's knife and gun, yet there was still more he needed to acquire. Running to his bedroom, items listed in his mind. In the end, he decided on the weapons, a piece of the broken mirror, his CD player and collection or rock and punk CDs, a bit of the torn bed sheets and Duo's traditional priest outfit. He was already wearing his crucifix and the green hospital wristband, or else Wufei would have collected those as well. By the time he had dressed Duo in his clothes, which left him feeling intrusively guilty, the others were still in the garage building their rough version of a casket to give Duo a mildly proper burial. Duo hadn't had a proper birth, proper childhood, or a proper life really. Wufei would make sure that he had _something_.  
  
He gently lifted Duo's body and carried him into the living room, laying him down softly on the long coffee table. He reached into the cabinet and pulled out two candles when Quatre arrived in the doorway, already a step ahead of him with three marble candles balanced in his arms. Wufei smiled to acknowledge Quatre's help and to thank him for the company. Though he would usually prefer solitude, he was decidedly grateful to avoid loneliness tonight.  
  
Quatre's eyes were red from tears, Wufei noticed for the first time as he illuminated the room with soft, golden candle light, casting a ghostly shadow over Duo's death smoldered face. Their eyes met in a common bond, a communal compassion. Quatre, as well as Heero, grieved for his _friend_.  
  
+  
  
"I was too weak, too unsure of the capacity of my sentiments to fully admit, or even understand. I love him. I wonder if he would want me to share that with all you. I honestly don't know, but I feel it's my obligation to take responsibility to his death," Wufei explained quietly, meeting the gaze of each of his companions in turn through the dusky pools of candle light. His usually composed body had drawn his knees defensively to his chest and his posture left his shoulders slumped in sorrow.  
  
"You have no obligation to his death, Wufei," said a voice to the right where Heero was seated next to him.  
  
"Of course I do, if it wasn't for me he'd still be alive," Wufei said, letting sorrow spread over him.  
  
"Don't be so big on yourself," Heero stated sternly, "he had so many other problems that he refused to show. I should have asked, but didn't. He used to hint to me sometimes...but I never asked. I guess it's time you see what he wrote to me." Out of his pocket came a battered, bloody piece of paper that was handed to Wufei first. Each of them read it carefully, disbelievingly, Wufei in horror, Trowa wearing the same unreadable somber face, and Quatre wide-eyed. Wufei's tears fell again as he kneeled to the table where Duo lay and planted a light, feathery kiss on his cold lips.  
  
+  
  
'Duo Maxwell, I will love you until my dying day' Wufei inscribed on the box that Duo was lying in, waiting for burial. Each of them had carved something different, be it words   
like his own, or pictures like Trowa's two eyes and a scythe. On the top was written:  
  
Duo Maxwell - Gundam Pilot  
AC195 - Suicide  
Taken by Shinigami  
  
All of the items that Wufei had collected, along with Heero's suicide letter, had accumulated inside the coffin with Duo's body, awaiting his descent into the cold dirt.  
  
A hole had been dug during the night beneath an old willow tree, and on the tree was engraved the only tombstone he would ever have. It read "Duo Maxwell 02 AC195" in the bark where the words would remain scarred forever, to keep his soul locked away in finality.  
  
~Owari  
Final A/n: Thats the end... no matter how hard it was for me to finish it, this was the first GW story I started, and it is time to move on to bigger and better things. I hope you all liked it, and weren't too dissapointed at the ending. Enjoy this, and any others of my stories you may come across! 


End file.
